thick red liquid

2006-10-04T16:35:00.000+08:00

why should we or even do we and will we like the opposite sex?.why is it wrong to do so?laws and religious thinkings are all human made. if so then what makes you so sure it is absolutely 'correct'?why shouldnt we do so?

2006-10-04T16:10:00.000+08:00

haa.. it seems that cinderella complex not only applies for girls only. in this ever illusional time, guys too hoped for something external to change their to make it ever so sparkling, ever so bright. .. but it all is just a delusion.sensationalised, does love actually do such magic? and does it even have the ability to fill the void deep down in everyone's heart?if there is no prince charming

2006-09-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

a few moments ago i finally ask her what i have been really want to ask.even though there was no answer, but i was happy.thank you. you really must be happy ya?

2006-09-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

sorry= feeling pity, regret or sympathy.that's what the dictionary told me.i would remembger once the teacher told me sorry means i would not do it again.iahh.. to think i forget both the meaning le..sorry.you have taught me alot of lessons.i guess you were right..i will try my best to grow up de.for you or for her.i'll remember deep in my heart that i will think before i do anything.thank you.

2006-08-19T09:59:00.000+08:00

i swear beer sucks.haa.. somehow i look down on people who wants something but yets didnt work hard and fight for it.but ironically, i am also sitting back wishing something would happen even if i knew it would never be.... .. after that one time i ought to be happy enough already, contented. but why would i find myself yearning for more..everytime something happens, she would appear in my mind,

2006-08-13T11:14:00.000+08:00

no other way out.out of what i am feeling now..thought i could lose myself in books,but it all will still come to an end and back into this reality that i want to face no more..like what else can i do?..if only alcohol or running still works..

2006-05-28T20:05:00.000+08:00

it's been another ages since i came to this refuge.thought it was no longer needed..but back here i am, pacing inside it restlessly.everything now seemed so delusional..staying in a relationship, being together..what is it that i really want?having now broken her to search for this answer, i no longer have the right to love..sinned forever for ending it just this..ruining the happiness that stood

2006-05-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

telling her i no longer want her to see my leaving back, no longer want to hurt her anymore.. but little did i know that her leaving backview would have brought me down to my knees in my heart.i'm flawed.. sorry.sorry..

2005-11-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

been long since i last blogged..thought i would have forsaken it..but i have been lying to myself all these while.iahh.. what am i doing?.. .. ..`me and my stupid heartflawed product.. me.

2005-02-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

things seemed to have cooled a little to the point it's almost chilled.. it all seems so surreal now. unsure of what he has done last night, he turned to stare into the shadows as it seems to drift back. back to indus road last night where he stood for close to an hour worrying.. as to whether he was there as a friend or as someone who liked her, he didnt know.. but he would be turned a deaf ear

2004-11-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

didnt know what happen. what offset this.. it seems that i dont feel myself today. or at least tonight. add wrong msn twice. it's like i dont know.. just dont know.. real screwed now..

2004-11-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder. . wonder if my shortsightedness is really a good thing.. am so blind, so blind as to not be able to see 6 metres away from me. and yet, i didnt wear anything to correct it.. was at denyse house downstairs. at the only landmark that was in view from her room.. was there, staring up, looking around, wishing my i could see her at her window.. but i didnt--> couldnt see. all is

2004-11-15T13:13:00.000+08:00

animatrix. it's the same as lain.. screws up the mind, messes up the logicial way we're taught to think. not that the content is same, but the way it makes us question. far more in depth.. and furthermore different than the philisopy i'd have touched on before..

2004-11-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

didnt know the taste of it is salty.. the taste of blood is. happen to cut my finger yesterday, then was sucking at it like what people usually does when they have a cut. the initial taste of it is salty with any indescriptable taste.. when i further probe the taste of it after the blood has dissolved in my mouth, it's signature coppery taste outstood.. well, what could i say? i find the taste

2004-11-14T13:48:00.000+08:00

what calms and excites me at the same time isnt the gore all along.. it is instead.. blood. it is what that stains the hand and the knife of the almost adult teenager. fresh from the sins committed, blood drips from it..

2004-11-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

was flipping through the animes joey borrowed me. then in one, i found it.. one that revived the lust in me.. the lust for blood... shingetsutan tsukihime is the name of the anime.. and finally i'm freed. after so long of chain and locks, only recently had it seeped through a crack.. i forced it back in then.. and regretted the leak. but now, i realise there's no need for it to be bounded..

2004-11-09T10:46:00.000+08:00

last night is disaster.. dont know took like 2 hour odd to reach home from school.. somemore not feeling well.. now much better le.. haha.. felt like calling for help from laopo they all.. but still didnt. dont know lah..

2004-11-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

iah.. when i came online onto msn, i saw denyse's nick--> mood:down.reali down. asked her bout it. but she didnt want to speak bout it. then after a while her nick changed to--> i have my pride, i'll not cry and it was a moment ago she went offline. iah.. man. i'm worried bout her. it's like seeing her like this doesnt make me feels good at all. iah.. dont know lah.hopefully it wont bother her

2004-11-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

met darylyn today!! iah. the truth is, the first thing that came to my mind is.. her dressing today sucks. haha. evil but true. it's a bit too aunty. but nevertheless, think she's a fun girl even though she's real quiet today. if only i was better at talking, then i could engage her. hee. let's put something mean bout her--> she looks better in pics. haha. maybe it's her dressing ba. but she

2004-11-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

peeps: my laogong, my laopo, teck yan, rebecca, yvonne, yelyn, boon bee, ying shin, vanessa, etc place: sentosa, siloso beach event: (my laogong)'s birthday huggs: my laogong and my laopo today's weather at sentosa was more than just fine. it was my laogong's birthday somemore. happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to my laogong, happy birthday to you.. hee. made him 17

2004-11-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

arghh!! man. the hair bleach turned out bad. real bad. now i look like an ah beng with golden brown hair instead of the desired white. ARGHHH. damn screwed. somemore it's not just a small part, it's almost of the whole head. that's damn screwed. really screwed. it's so ugly. help me. someone help me. dont know lah.. got a hell of a lecture from my mum. when my old man's back in town, i'll be more

2004-11-03T18:39:00.000+08:00

well, today is stay home day.. tommorrow's op. my shift is in the afternoon and i haven memorize anything yet.. sian. haha, but watching doll master was fun. it wasnt exactly scary, but it has storyline unlike ju-on or any other senseless ones. it was yesterday that i watched it lah.bought a bald turtle for denyse.. lalalala.. so happy. and even got to see her today.. although it was only a brief

2004-11-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

apathy. i'm apathetic. no matter what results i get, no matter how happy or sad my friends around me are about their results, i would only feel for a while.. after which, nothing comes out. no reaction, no nothing.. just apathetic. been stoning the whole day today. especially when it is towards night time.. didnt knew for why. but i just did...after the minor storm this late afternooon.. this is

2004-10-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

limped around town today. was real fun with shyannie around. with her weird expression and all. so long since i saw her le. her hair's chomped but still is nice. hee. finally got my b-day present from pig oil after so long. haha. it's a dont-know-what-you-call-it. something like what sheryl gave me before. but i think joey's taste is better. haha, it's nice. like it. well, bought al-lene's b-day

2004-10-31T23:06:00.000+08:00

my knee still havent heal yet. it comes with lots and lots of problem. dont really wish to talk bout it.somehow, i wondered, should i hate the guy who cause me this injury? it's like does it help? does it makes me feel better? i dont know.. really dont know.for me, i still want to believe it's an accident and not an deliberate act. it's like, there will be so much other emotions, unwanted ones,

2004-10-19T11:58:00.000+08:00

You represent... naivete. So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy attimes, but it's only because you're not surehow to act. You give off that "I need tobe protected vibe." Remember that not allpeople are good. Being too trusting will getyou easily hurt. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-17T10:25:00.000+08:00

overslept this morning when i should be down for the unofficial training.. argh!!! perhaps it's fate ba. should go see doc today and not training. iah, there goes this pure rowing water prac.. weeeee!!!!! yesterday hanged out with rebecca. haha. drank a bit, then crapped a lot.. man, it does feels good. dont know lah. i want to go chong!!! life is like so sian.. with screwed with pw.

2004-10-16T01:26:00.000+08:00

whoa! that's long man. it took me around more than two hours to complete renovating my blog. sweet! haha, -ouch- my wings still hurts from the training on wednesday. so does the outer part of my chest. man, it feel good. maybe it true to me, pain is pleasure. ha! oh, was doodling in lecture today and managed to draw the star claryce had on her msn pic. i think my looks cuter. lolx. anyway,

2004-10-12T21:23:00.000+08:00

let down the team..played so off form. or i didnt have one from the start..tommorrow training's starting, but my knee still haven swollen and partially out of position..dont know lah..

2004-10-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

-/ bout today /-thought today would be another day, but it proves to be not.that's when i flew down to cck there to train with the interhouse guys.we played against johnathon's friend from some basketball assosiation.they're good, but really gay. like just bang a bit here and there, they'll be calling out fouls.then also, no foul also call foul.to think my injuries and so much while i said

2004-10-03T20:52:00.000+08:00

been stuffing myself with the food i bought yesterday..just wanted to finish it all..and forget bout what happen.a soft melancholy hanging low in the air[8:58]what's with me?didnt know why i am feeling this..the lost of the ring seems to have came back to haunt me.it meant so much to me..

2004-09-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

been so busy this week.think i'll be more in the next two weeks..am somehow giving myself a crash course in all three subjects.they threatened to close down the team and after so long, they're finally realising it..promo's the crux of it all.they blamed the team, the cca for the results it's students have.it's all so unjust.just a retainee or two would be enough to do it.even if we all did clear

2004-09-20T15:59:00.000+08:00

..weakness of the mind..should have pushed on, force through the pain and held on.but i didnt..weakness of the mind, just weakness of the mind .

2004-09-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

been laughing at myself these few days.my hair's so long that even gel had no effect on it.think i finally understood the weird expressions when people saw me. haha.guess it time i go cut hair..tommorrow's the aquathalon already. all so fast. am really stirred up liao.. really to run and all.dont know if i should tell her or not. had a desire to though..just signed up for the interhouse

2004-09-17T21:16:00.000+08:00

ever so often, it would warm my heart.anime that is.. from full moon to fruits basket to kanon to vandread then to D.N.angel, the love stories that these contains constantly touched me.would remember how i would tear when the makoto started to fall sick, when yuuichi realised it was ayu's soul and when ayu asked yuuichi to forget him as the last wish..it's all so sad on the tragic revelations..

2004-09-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

been eyeing that bottle of barcardi for a few days already.held back and press down, i've keep distanced it for the up coming aquathalon.now that i'm blogging again.. and i'm feeling once again, this feeling of void seems to be back..slightering in silently.and it seems the only thing that can make me feel better is it.been asking myself repeatedly..does running really makes me feel better.. i

2004-09-13T21:40:00.000+08:00

everything and anything seems to reminds me of her.from pocky to lighter then to ice cream.when you lose someone you love, you never really get over it, you will only get used to it..the feeling now is weird.. how do i describe it?it somewhat feels like the initial stage of a break up..-detached-the truth denied and blocked, and the feeling is almost okay but as though it got weighted down by

2004-08-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

went kino on sunday and like found a book: darkside horoscope.the content simply describes the bad side of each sun sign like why gemini can be damn sarcastic and hipp, how money faced capricorn can be and why some are born bastards.like real intriguing.. it even have a bitchness index for each sign.and cancer's B+.nice book, but real ex. like 36 plus? haha, but dont intend to buy it. know enough

2004-08-27T21:34:00.000+08:00

yeah!! tommorrow got water pract..been looking forward to it since last sat's session.balancing in k1's so fun..oh, absently and playfully measured my weight today with gordon they all and guess what, my weight was 59.6kg. it's like whoa man.. zhan li's that heavy too..haha, my weight's been flunctuating all over. from 56.8 to 58kg. never expect it to become so much..some more i still so skinny..

2004-08-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

perhaps it's the reason why i avoided going tiong..it only reminded me of her.it did just then..and well, i didnt hold back to message her..was so happy she replied.. and each message of hers seems to lighten me more..

2004-08-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

whoa.. that bung at tonight's singapore idol did quite not bad..ahah, it'll be interesting to see how she would turn passive in a blink of an eye to go on further in the competition.. haha.bought a whole load of food stuffs. locker food i should say..real nice. but real ex..think i'll stay back tommorrow for the night study.got someone to teach me organic chem..now like rushing for train like

2004-08-24T17:40:00.000+08:00

in class today, miss chin asked us to write out a list of things we hoped to do, hoped to have.sadly but true enough, i could think of nothing..so hooked onto anime now. wonder if this is the right time to..studies' easy in singapore, just working hard is enough. that's why it's lame..dont know lah, promos in five week's time..

2004-08-21T08:05:00.000+08:00

this morning when i woke up and look at my phone inbox, i saw this..--> ... not tonight . hmm . thanks for the concern though . <--all so suddenly and unanticipatedly, she feels cold..she feels so distanced..... ... ...

2004-08-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel like drinking.suddenly, i feel like letting it all out..hearing from her that she drank herself to sleep for the last few nights..it pulled what i feel down..learning it really made me resent my so called abiltiy to feel..dont know lah..just feel furiously like drinking..

2004-08-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

learnt that our bodies would speak to us today in chinese lessons..like what it means when we have a cold out of a sudden. the psycholgy of it and all..thinking back, it seems rather true.true bout how our emotional state would be connected to our health..dont know lah..denyse just now messaged me out of the blue.. and it somehow really did lightened me up..dont know lah..

2004-08-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

it's a wonder how thoughts would link and would connect to her so easily..mind idling and wandering, i would let my thoughts drift so absently on the extended ride home. initially, it was training that filled this case of mine..and so easily would i find myself visualizing her canoeing, having fun in her kayaking star courses. in my mind, i would see, like how she vividly described, how she would

2004-08-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

this evening, i'm in damn good mood.though the first part of the conversation i had with her is a bit blur, but it's like the other half is like so fun!! had fun disturbing her and telling her how i feel at the same time.. haha.even had her saying--> do you need to be so straightforward.<--haha. like had so much fun chatting with this cute little GMM..oh, GMM is a name a gave her. haha.whoa.. and

2004-08-17T21:17:00.000+08:00

teckie says i look like so japanese soccer player in the photo with the class jersey on. haha. pretty lame though.but i've been really self adoring these days. narcissistic i should say.especially bout the thing i have on me and in particular, my new pair of shoes.zoom air. nike vapour series. white and orange. pure running shoes.and i damn hell like it..to think i make teckie take a picture of

2004-08-17T17:51:00.000+08:00

seriously feeling like beating up myself.arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .. saw her online..and was chatting halfway, i suddenly said this on feeling..->the last time i saw you online, i had something i wanted to tell you. but you went off so fast<-then i was cursing myself for blurring it out and wished i didnt..was like knocking my head on the wall an

2004-08-16T21:45:00.000+08:00

feeling so sleepy, so drained now. thoguht my mind would be blank..but all i can think of now is denyse.didnt contact her for a real long time since i last saw her online.wonder how she is now. how's she's feeling, if anything's troubling her or if she is doing well with what makes her feels better.. and wonder if she's still on to fagging..though i knew it, but yet i could do nothing bout it..so

2004-08-15T11:18:00.000+08:00

it have been quite so time from then..and all these while i'd have ran from it, and blocked it out of my senses.i cant accept it.. and i dont want to..

2004-08-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

each time i see her or her picture, it would make me fall in love with her all over again..she's online just then.. and seeing her msn pic just made me melt. make me heart melt..and overturn my logic.my feeling for her are so helplessly growing and it'd just cause me to fall in love with her so helpless too..and it's like when she would just go offline with just saying a hi really just saddens me

2004-08-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

guess i'm in the slumps recently.only a little training and i'm all so beat after that. hands quivering, so feeble and constantly short of breaths even if it is just walking fast..haven felt it in a long time already.felt a sharp pain at the joint where the left thigh bone and the hip bone comes together. it like came through the whole day as though it's a throbbing toothache. an old ailgment i

2004-08-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

didnt know why i wrote the last entry.perhaps i did it on feeling.thinking back, what is the use of saying it?it's all just a wishful thinking afterall..... .. dont know lah..

2004-08-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

and now that i have. really feel like writing to her. write bout this, bout us.though to her there is no 'us'. but to me, there is..but i really didnt want to do this gain her sympathy.i only want her to love me..dont know what i should do. dont know if she would even care..dont know. just dont know..

2004-08-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

was doing chinese essay this afternoon.chose a question regarding a beautiful starry night sky.didnt know why i did.and i wrote bout her..after the first paragraph, i became reluctant to proceed. it required me to go back to the past, think of every single detail when i was with her.. i didnt want to. didnt want to face it, face those happy memories that pierces me so deeply..

2004-08-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

somehow, one way or the other, everything in my life would give way just for canoeing. no matter how down or infuriated i am, i'd make it a point to readjust what i feel so training would turn out proper..maybe it explains why i feel like going training when i'm brought down.tommorrow having 2.4 time trial.guess i'm gonna be eating other teammates' dust while chasing them.especially crazy ying

2004-08-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

all ended. it's all gone by now..when it did, i just went on to drink. but it's no more than a mere drink.no kick. no feel. looked at myself through the mirror. stared. then wonder how i got myself into such a mess.wonder how i screwed myself up so much.how many times have i held on to it and kept my impulse under lock and key.all at the wrong time did i let it loose. and in the wrong moment have

2004-08-09T10:38:00.000+08:00

sentosa yesterday is slightly crowded. wenkai they all like played soccer, volleyball and all those type of games i dont know how to. nevertheless, i went in to join them.swam a bit too. been long since i seriously did.. guess i still like it a lot. it's also been ages since i told myself i wont.. ... dont know lah.got slightly sunburnt. my back became burnt chili crab. canoeing got my arms used

2004-08-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

was damn blind today. met mei wah at cine k box coz joey requested for it, more or less so lah. waited for her damn long, but it was okay. everything was okay too even after i met her, and her friends. only until at cine entrance, when we were exiting, joey pointed out to me juli's existance. the moment before that, i was thinking of calling her to thrash everything out. didnt expect what would

2004-08-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

seeing how water bird is madly in love with joey, somehow i realised something..realised how sickening and irritating would be to the other party when the one were to confess so strongly. especially when the feeling for the other party isnt there.. and now, after what i found out yesterday, i then knew how it would be for her. and how she felt..

2004-08-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

was daydreaming the whole day again. it's like an addiction and she's the 'drug' i crave for. after so long, when i thought i was no longer hooked to her, when i see her, it felt damn nice. and the next day, the day after the next and the days following it, i would long to see her, be with her and all.. and today is no except to that. popped round places in town just to see if she's there. didnt

2004-08-07T08:31:00.000+08:00

didnt know what both joey and i've been thinking is wrong all along..going cine was a deliberate move made by me, dragging joey and a sickly meishan along.on reaching the 8th level outside k pool, my breathing quicken and short while i struggled to control it.then i stepped to the entrance, poking my head in to look for her.my eyes caught her as she seems to dazzle.heels, small skirt and a black

2004-08-06T08:03:00.000+08:00

spent eleven dollar flying from my school and i didnt feel a pinch. that's how i felt yesterday. nothing mattered. only her did. yesterday, i came down to stc outside in a cab to manage to get her so i could sent her home. till that point in time, i still couldn't believe it's happening and she's letting me send her home. when i first heard her voice, i'm like--> huh?< who's that? her voice

2004-08-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

it's been on my mind the whole of today and yesterday. what miss chin said in class did. the most affectionate phrase to say isnt 'i love you' [dont really like to use and comprehend of that word too], it is 'ni hao ma? wo heng hao'. yup. didnt realise though. but when she said it, it really comes to me deeply that it's this phrase, this six words rather than the three worded phrase thrown around

2004-08-04T20:28:00.000+08:00

finally man! after so long, i'm fianlly done with the written report. it just s*cks. well these few days i've been training continuously. believe i have became a laughing stock within the j2 yesterday. fancy doing rotations with a stick at grandstand there. haha. okay. went gym today. did weights with higher intensity. my shoulders are like falling apart liao. but nevertheless, it's training and

2004-08-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

yup. then like typed the minutes and all. seems so much like i never did that much for pw. but i am now. maybe coz of a motivation.. after pw, we all should go club. yani and jiayan said that and i'm like so cited up and all coz of it. miss the music and drink and all. yup. got to work hard towards it. been daydreaming a bit.. hee.

2004-08-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

well, new blogskin, a new beginning. hopefully so. lost so badly in the competition, i only have two things in my mind now. canoeing and studies. studies' in the list coz if canoeist dont get do good in it, they'll cut training time.. so yup. like did 1000 rotation yesterday and 300 continuous just then. though training's off this two week. will just use this two weeks to train harder by myself.

2004-07-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

having a steady mood for work today. maybe will just polish off maths tutorial or something like that.. iah. dont know lah. weekend's coming. am so gonna try enjoy it..

2004-07-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

everything's been stagnant for so long.. and now i'm back. many had happen in between.. so much. guess this itme i'll stay for quite a while.. yup. so soon, my b-day's gone.. iah. but i got two belated presents waiting for me. yeah!! boo hoo. dont know lah. dont know why it seems that there will always be a part of me empty, unfufilled, and hollow..

2004-07-08T18:29:00.000+08:00

how wonderfully easy it had been to look at a blog filled with innocent cheerfulness and navie belief of it. ][been long since i did..] but does one understand or is even aware of what's underneath it? few, close to none, did. hai..

2004-06-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

dont have the mood to blog. just doesnt have. feel sapped. so sapped..

2004-06-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

June 22, 2004 You might decide to sit back and watch events unfold, ice][72. You'll be in a positive mood today, and you won't want to force things. Instead of being aggressive, you'll be sitting and telling jokes in the corner. Your lighthearted approach will help things to flow more smoothly. It would be a mistake to force your ideas on others in a pushy way right now. Relax and remain

2004-06-19T21:49:00.000+08:00

June 20, 2004 You could be in the mood to take a break from a relationship today, ice][72. You might be a little edgy from stresses in your own life. You might feel a bit overwhelmed by a romantic partner's needs, or you could be fatigued by your kids' energy. Try to take a long walk to clear your head. You'll need to find a way to make things work if you want to keep your loved ones around!

2004-06-18T13:24:00.000+08:00

irritated!! arghh!!!! HATE THIS WAITING GAME! hate all these. hate the world for being it. and hate myself for being me.. at ][1155 , she said --> oh, i'm coming over. sorry sorry, i dont know what to wear. will come over now.. then i waited.. waited.. waited.. and waited.. it's 1316 and i finally let out a small scale blow up. i really hate this type of people. it's either they do what they

2004-06-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

i didnt know i'm made of glass.. or at least to her.. saw her at heeren, made two efforts to appear in front of her. the first sight, though unclear, but seems to clog my airway.. one was outside the 37D shop. she was in it. i stood outside of it at the balcony.. she walked out of the shop without seeing me, or so i thought.. watched as she walked away.. my heart crumbles. stoned for a large

2004-06-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

tarot thingy for the day A word of warning if you're single: Don't fall head over heels for the first person that tickles your fancy. It can very easy to be attracted to the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. [1226]somehow, i'm afraid, afraid of blogging.. afraid of seeing her.. ... ... ...

2004-06-09T14:01:00.000+08:00

bleeding silently.. remember what's mentioned in the passage my chinese teacher gave me.. something like --> if you're hurt, and insist on showing the one you loved your wound, what you get back at most is not love, but sympathy.. she told me to let go, to let fate decide.. but it seems fate never really favoured me.. like what you expect me to do? cry and whine? somehow, i'm moulded not to do

2004-06-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

all i have mentioned, all that i have written is happening.. angst apathy cynism denial deception detachment

2004-06-05T22:01:00.000+08:00

well, got pang-sei as usual.. went home(after SAT), ate like a pig, played some games and got dragged out by yingmin. my dressing was weird though. a slim fit jeans. a dark blue sleeveless and a super tiny patterned button down. my clothings are like so not me, so tight and confined. went to suntec. over there, a group of gays stared musingly at me while walking by. then, to make things worst, i

2004-06-04T23:32:00.001+08:00

angst, i'm just angst bout it. soon i'll be apathetic.. the two entries before are just scenarios.. maybe a while longer, i can no longer vsualise.. just apathetic bout things happening round me and to me.. that's why this society demands, that's what my family says.. being cold and feelingless. that's what i'm suppose to be.. then i shall be.. at least to protect my myself, protect my

2004-06-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

i'm a male, a guy. yah like so what? i'm human too. i feel too. and i too have emotions. you all girls are the only emotional beings. you all just thought of yourself. never bout us. you expect us to be s.n.a.g, expect us to be sensitive bout how you all feel, but have you all spare a thought for us, and try being sensitive bout how we feel, at least for once. have you? we feel too. our

2004-06-04T22:41:00.000+08:00

everytime put me airplanes like this.. and i 'd accept it without any word.. but deep down, each time, the disappointment piles. accumulating and adding.. i became afraid of asking you all out, just to protect myself.. i no longer can take all these stab to my heart no more.. bleeding, just bleeding so profusely.. i'm tired.. so beat, so drained.. so sick of all these, so tired of doing what i'm

2004-06-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

they're really anti guys, just like how alot of bungs are.. they stare at you pinning your every movement, belittling it, criticising it. in a manner that as if you look back, they would like in the anime, head becomes damn big with bloodshot eyes ready to devaeour..

2004-06-02T21:08:00.000+08:00

hell is full, there's no place for lost soul. the dead shall wander.. --> fufill the prophecy fufill it fufill the prophecy

2004-05-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

dont know since when, i start to realise that there things need not be said, need not be done, and need not be shown. having it in the your heart is more than enough..

2004-05-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

found someone whom i can talk to. it's felicia. told her bout sadist and self mutilation and she had a different view on it --> it's their way of expressing.. at least she's like me, got that i-dont-like-christians element.

2004-05-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

there're layers. alot of layers. layers after layers and all you see is just layers. one may pierce the very first layer--> the one where they see the quiet, desolated and detached him. And get through to the 2nd or even 3rd cover but rarely does any get pass the 4th or even 5th. that's how closed up he is.. that what he found out just recently. but what use is it when the violence, sadist him

2004-05-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

i can just sit here in front of the com and stone.. today's chinese lesson touched alot on love. the passage read out almost make me cry..

2004-05-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

dont know why. i really have a liking for the piece i had up in my the other blog. somehow, it seems to bring out the sadist me. running rampant. unleashed and wild..

2004-05-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

had a violence houshold epiosode this early morning - 00.01am wasnt in it though. guess it's maybe why i'm turning more and more sadist. more and more cynical.. feel like drinking..

2004-05-15T20:37:00.000+08:00

... what would you feel like doing when you're on a train platform with the mrt's approaching? know what's my answer? i'd feel like swaying then fall from the platform and before i reach the track, the train will just send me flying in a bloody sick scene where the train head would be dyed red permanently.. told my canoeing friends bout it ->> they're like siao ah. sadist.. actually i'm not

2004-05-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

heard that denyse's feeling unwell. when i got this news, i became worried.. hai. is she ok? all but i dont know.. i'm so useless.. waiting for her reply.. peharps it wont come.. didnt want to bother her.. i'll just be there, waiting, staring at the phone, sitting by it, waiting for her reply quietly.. wonder how things at her side. it perplexes me. she never told me much bout it.. maybe i'm

2004-05-14T19:09:00.000+08:00

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, butits there, and your friends can see it. Youconstantly feel alone, and need to do things tofill your time. Your afraid to tell peoplethis, but sooner or later it gets out in a badway, and you think you screwed up everything.And when you are in love is when you are sadthe most. (Please Vote) What Emotion Dominates you? brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-13T19:43:00.000+08:00

well this's the new blog i'm having. ayanami rei. somehow i do feel like her..